Naturally

I've been thinking about going natural for a while now.  I believe April 2011 was the last time that I thought about going natural.  I waffled back and forth about doing the big chop, because I realized that if I didn't cut it all off, I would never do it.  Relaxers really are a creamy crack.  My husband was supportive, as always.  By July of 2011, I'd talked myself out of it.  At that point, it had been months since I had had a relaxer, and I couldn't make the final commitment to just cut it off.  And then, I got a relaxer.  I had failed.  Fast forward to the beginning of December 2011.  The last time I had a relaxer, at that time, was sometime during the last week of October 2011.  {I think it was October 28.}  Somehow I ran across videos on YouTube of the natural hair journey of a woman. Of course, that lead to me searching for more videos.  And that lead to me feeling once again that I could do it.

Now let me back up a bit.  Growing up, I had pretty long hair.  I don't remember what my hair texture was like. I know that the decision was made for my hair to be pressed.  By high school I was getting relaxers, not regularly, but often enough for my hair to be "manageable."  Then I went to college, and eventually, I cut my hair and relaxed it more regularly.  That's when stuff started going wonky.  My hair didn't grow back as thick as it had been before.  Time went by, and I would grow my hair, then cut it, then grow it back again.  I really had no interest in doing anything with it, though I did want to look good.  I think it was a combination of laziness, tomboy-ishness (totally a word), and not knowing what to do with it.  Eventually my hair got to the point where it wasn't growing well.  It wouldn't really get as long as it had been in the past, and it was much thinner than it had ever been.  By the time I was done with my schooling and married, I had moved from having a relaxer every six to eight weeks, to having a relaxer every four weeks.  I was killing my hair.  Then my husband and I got married.  Oh, and pregnancy killed it.  My hair broke off really badly during my pregnancy, several times.  It also broke off really badly about two months after I gave birth.  I really was at my wit's end.  If I had thought about it then, or rather been informed, I would have started going natural at that time.  Hindsight is 20/20. 

What was the hold up for going natural?   I've tried a few times before, and never made it.  Mostly, it was a fear of what others would think of me without hair.  My family is really big on a woman's hair being her glory.  My husband doesn't care as long as I'm happy.  I really didn't want to hear lot of negative talk about my decisions with my hair. I must admit I grew up as a people pleaser.  Old habits die hard.  Another stumbling block is that I've always had some length to my hair.  It may have been damaged, but I had hair. Like I said before, in order for me to be successful, I was going to have to cut the relaxed hair off.  I will never make it if I try to transition my hair until I have an "acceptable" length.  And last, but not least.  I have no idea how to do my own hair, and I can't afford to pay someone to do it for me.  This will definitely be a learning process for me.  Mostly though, the answer to that question is fear. 

So why now?  I finally got perspective.  I am going to do it now to get to healthy hair.  I am going to do it now, because I have the support of my husband.  I am going to do it now because I need to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.  My hair did not make me happy.  I am going to actively work to change that.

What's the plan?  The plan is to...

... learn as much as I can about natural hair. 

... learn about natural hair care products.

... learn about natural hair styling.

... live nappily ever after.

I did it!  I went in, and got the big chop.  I wasn't too sure when I first got out the chair, but by the time I made it home, I loved it.